Takeback etiquette?

The take-back system is great for when someone fumbles their mouse and makes the wrong move, or makes a massive blunder in an otherwise heated match that both players are invested in.

I used to give take-backs any time someone would ask for one, but after numerous experiences with players trying to abuse take-backs to correct their tactical mistakes, instead of as a system for accidents and spontaneous blunders.
Unreasonable take-back requests come so often at the 1200-1500 level in blitz and classical that they could easily be a majority of the take-back requests I get.

In the last month, my friend and I started asking players who make suspicious take-back requests (see my etiquette list below) why they want a take-back because my rating was actually going down due to losing games I would have otherwise won after accepting multiple take-back requests.

When we actually started asking players why they want a take-back, we got replies including 'I see a better move', 'I need my bishop' and my favourite, 'shut up woman'.

I do not want to punish everyone I play with because of a few bad experiences, but this has been a lot more than a 'few'.

I try to ask "why?" to players who ask for a take-back, and if they say it's a fumble, even if they're lying, I'll let them take it back.
This would be a fair solution, but it does not work because so many players never view chat at all or don't speak enough English to answer.

For now, my etiquette is this:
> Accept a take-back no questions asked if it is requested right after a move, especially a blunder.
> Take-backs that are requested...
...long after they make their move ...
...after I make a move in response, as if they realized their mistake ...
...right before/after a draw request in a lost position (a draw request in an obviously lost position always seems desperate to me) ...
...when I let them take back their last blunder and they ask for more...
... I will respond to with "why?", and if they don't answer, I will leave the take-back request open and add time to their timer to give them time to respond.

Does this seem reasonable to you, or do you think I'm going too far?
When do you refuse or ignore take-backs in rated games?

Against someone I don't know: I'll never ask for take backs in rated games and will never accept take back requests for rated games. I make a blunder so be it. My own fault for not paying enough attention. If it's a case of mouse slipping, then get a better mouse. In non rated games it's a completely different story.

If playing a friend: Rated or otherwise I would allow take backs if asked for them and the request was because of a massive blunder, but I haven't made any friends on Lichess yet so..

I switched off take-backs in my preferences because every dickwad who is losing at bullet asks for take-backs in the last 10 seconds. Now they just offer draws instead or start giving me time in the hope that I'll reciprocate :D

I only allow takebacks after mouse slips. Whenever my opponent wants a takeback, I ask what move (s)he wanted to play instead. If my opponent quickly tells me a move with the same piece I accept the takeback offer, otherwise I decline it.
When I accidentally drop a piece on the wrong square, I immediately say what move I wanted to play instead and ask for a takeback. Usually, my opponents accept these.

I used to allow them most of the time (except when people would greedily take one of my pieces, failing to see some tactics involved and then ask for it back like this was some kind of injustice) which obviously often turned against me. That could still be fine in itself but in my experience, once you've given one some people see it as encouraging them to do so three or four times in a single game, which to me kind of ruins the whole thing.
On the other hand I could never bring myself to ask for it, so I turned them off and enjoy my games all the better for it.

I might still go and change my settings during a longer time control game (not sure if it's even possible actually) if the person is nice and an interesting position has been wasted due to a mouse slip but that's about it.

"When we actually started asking players why they want a take-back, we got replies including 'I see a better move', 'I need my bishop' and my favourite, 'shut up woman'."

That was funny though! :-)
In the few similar situations I have found myself in, people would invariably say "mouse slip" when there was hardly any chance in a million games the move played could have been one.

On the whole, I feel at the same time as though a single game has little enough value that one can resign whenever a blunder (for whatever reason) is made, and yet that whatever value there was is lost once a takeback has been given (other than "you were going to take my queen with your own and fell one square short").

Anyhow, glad to have people being gentle(wo)men about it and in general.

usually an honest mistake is easy to recognize and if as soon as they move and request a take-back they usually are honest or if they make a move that baised on previous moves would usually not do i accept the take back

I agree with Dr_King. When I mouse-slip, I instantly say "meant __", and this is the best chance of allowance.

Could be a feature that you'd have to move the same fig after a takeback. Just an idea... Would be somewhat near to "real" chess. Currently I've disabled it.

No, moving the same figure would not always suffice. I had an instance earlier today in an atomic game where my queenside knight and bishop were still on original squares, and I just needed to move my bishop to a3 with check to force a win in 4. I however accidentally clicked the knight and just snap clicked a3. I was then of course in a lost position. However, I play enough atomic that the players know me, and that I hardly ever ask for takebacks. I was allowed one in this instance, even though my opponent knew it would cost him the game.

Takeback policy: